The Random Lives of Hilda and Hilbert
by SadPuppy
Summary: This is a summary of this story.I can't really summarize this story.If you love pokemon, you might not/like this a bit.If you love N, and hear him saying women's rights jokes...You'll love him.Hey women, we are better than men.So plz don't get offended.
1. Chapter 1

_A friend of mine inspired me to make this. Even though she said to make it a Southpark fanfic. I'm just evil like that. Anyways, enjoy my imagination and creativity, because I thought of most of these parts!_

_Beep, Beep, Beep. __**Wake up Already!**_** SLAM!**

"Wake up in the morning, gotta get fresh, gotta get dressed, gotta eat some cereal, cause it's friday! Friday! Gotta get out on Friday! I'm lookin forward to the weekend!", woke up a brown haired kid.

"No shut up Hilbert Touya Black!", said a femine voice.

"Never! 'cause it's Fri-",a commando boot hit Hilbert directly in the face.

Hilbert dramaticly fell to floor, his nose bleeding from the impact.

"No!Black! Your face! What happened to your face! Please be okay!", Cheren ran out of Hilbert's closet.

"Cheren, stop babbling over me!", Hilbert said.

"I wasn't crying over you.", he said in his uptight tone",I was simply worried about you. That is all.", he said leaving Hilbert's room.

"Homo.", Hilbert muttered to himself and went to take a shower.

"Grrr...I can't get this pickle jar open!",shouted Hilda, trying to open a pickle jar in the kitchen.

"Cause your a woman.", said N coming out of Hilda's refrigerator.

"Wait, how did you? I locked the...Wha?"

"Let me solve your problem, Touko.", he said grabbing her pickle jar and opening it.

"Thanks!", she said.

"No problemo, commarde. You know, because your a woman and all that.", N said.

"Now I am really considering calling the cops and tell them that you were behind the plans of liberating pokemon."

"You can't."

"Why can't I?"

"Cause your a woman!", he said smiling and ran outside laughing and skipping like an idiot.

Hilda watched him from a distance. She was to scared to ask why._ I don't I should call the cops. The mental hospital suites him better._ She went back inside and cleaned the kitchen. N was grinning evily at her. He then skipped to Hilbert's house.

A steady amount of water fell from the fossit and hit the drain. Soap suds were everywhere in the tub. There was a slight humming song behind the curtains. Slowly he walked in, and cautiously place his hand the the floral designed curtain. With a tug, he heard screaming and his face was all red.

**"What the heck is wrong with you! GET OUT!"**

N ran out of the bathroom crying his heart out. He ran out of the quaint little house to the house he lived in now. He ran into a room and cried into the purple bed sheets.

"Why are you crying on my bed.", said Hilda.

"Black yelled at me!", N sobbed.

"I told you, you don't go into the bathroom without knocking first.". she said.

"I wanted to give him a hug!", he cried even more.

Hilda sighed and pat N's back. "Don't worry, he'll get over.", she reasurred him.

"Hopefully...Touko.",N said.

"What?"

"Can you get me some chocolate frosting or ice cream?", he asked.

"I'll see if we have any left.", she said, leaving her bedroom.

"Heheh, you'll do it anyways, because your a woman.", he snickered softly.

**_Questions:_**

1.) Is Cheren Gay? : Yes, he likes Black.

2.) Why do the people call Hilda and Hilbert their other names? : Because I'm just awesome like that, and I like those names better.

3.) Why don't you call them those names then? : Do I tell you how to live?

4.) Where does N live? : Hilda's house.

5.) Is N gay? : ...

6.) Where does N sleep?: On Hilda's bed.

7.) Isn't that...Dangerous?: Only if I want it to be.

8.) What's up with the Woman's Rights jokes? : It's this thing we do at school...Great times.

9.) Your weird. : I love you too. ;)

10.) Can I ask you questions on the next chapter?: Yes, you can send me reviews on this chapter and the other chapter, that will be up soon and I'll post the best questions, or favorite questions on each chapter. Tah- Tah for now.


	2. Chapter 2

_**Gonna get more descriptive on this part...This is Part 1 of a boat saga!**_

The sun was shining overhead. The cool sea breeze flowed smoothly over the light, sandy beaches. The salty tangy air of the ocean made fat people mouth's water for some salty French fries. Over the horizon on the ocean, a metallic beast stormed through the waves.

It shined a metallic tint with the sun's rays. The beast then slowly headed towards land and stopped suddenly. The beast floated on top of the sparkling water. Cheers and screams were heard on the boat.

"Wow! This ferry is awesome! Woot!"

"I know, right! We are surrounded by water, and there is a pool here!"

"Stupid and useless but fun at the same time!"

"You can say that again! Let's go to the arcade now! Yeah-uh!"

Joyous screams were heard on the boat, but where are our heroes?

Hilda was sunbathing on the deck. She wore a polka dotted bikini and held a coconut drink. She took out a book and began reading. She read the first paragraph and sighed. She averted her attention to two awkward boys.

"What the heck are you doing!" she growled.

She realized one of them had a tan while the other was sunburned all over. She tried to hold in laughter, but failed epically.

"Wow Hilbert! You're so dark!..._and tasty_..." the sunburned teen said.

"Okay... that's not creepy at all, N," Hilbert said.

"Ha, ha, ha! You two are idiots!" Hilda laughed.

"Well, at least I didn't forget to put sun lotion on," Hilbert sneered.

"Hey! I didn't forget! I chose not to!" N turned his head.

"That was a big mistake!" Hilbert snickered.

"I don't think you should move too much, N," Hilda warned, concerned for the green-haired boy.

"You're a woman, and I'm a man! You got no rights to tell me what to do!" He stomped off.

Hilda and Hilbert were left in an awkward silence.

"Well, something's bugging him," Hilda commented as she watched N stomp off. She looked at Hilbert. "So, what's wrong with you?"

"Well, a lot of things, like my life" Hilbert said.

"You got problems dude," she remarked and picked up her book.

Hilbert sighed and walked away, knowing that she'd never understand him.

Hilbert walked down the deck. Man, it was crowded! He looked around and saw Cheren in a disturbing swimsuit and black shades.

Black helped himself no to gag at the sight.

"I see you cooked well done," Cheren remarked, lowering his shades to get a better look of Hilbert.

"Uh...Yeah. Why are you here?" Black asked.

"Hmph! I just needed a vacation, that's all." Cheren looked away from Hilbert.

Hilbert walked away, knowing Cheren won't talk to him again. He was glad, though, for some reason. He continued walking down the boat.

Hilda yawned and stretched her arms. She put her book back in her bag and got off her chair.

"Well, I guess I have to check on them; who knows what trouble they are in," she said to herself .

She grabbed her things and looked around the deck. She decided to go to the arcade room to see if they were there... Well, one of them was there.

Hilda came into the arcade room to see Hilbert dancing his butt off to Lady Gaga's "Pokerface," the dirty version. She was utterly disturbed and hysterical at the same time. She almost laughed her head off… Almost, but not quite… She then waited behind the crowd of people who were watching him dance.

"**You're Hot!**" the dance machine announced.

Everyone cheered and laughed a bit before returning to whatever they were doing. Hilda walked over to Hilbert.

"Great stuff Hilbert, great stuff," she smiled, holding her phone.

Hilbert's face turned red with embarrassment.

"Bob Hamilton! Quick! Get Bob Hamilton! There's a victim of a sunburn who had fallen near the cross dresser bar!" yelled a fat cop.

A guy came running towards the cop and the two rushed off.

Cheren then appeared behind the dance machine. "I think you two should go follow them."

"Wait, wha-" Hilbert said confused.

"I have my reasons," he said before slinking back behind the machine.

"Disturbing, creepy, and strange. Alright, Hilbert, let's go," Hilda said as she began to walk off.

"Yeah , let's go."

Pink flurries of fluffy scarves and big colorful dresses. The scent of cigarette smoke, beer, and apple sauce hung in the air. Confused identities wore make up of all color in shades or the rainbow, their outfits were amazing with fantastic designs and suits of black. They surrounded a pink blob with tea green hair, admiring how green it is.

"Um...Excuse me ,sir," Hilbert said trying to get to N.

The cross dresser turned its mistaken identity self, glaring down at Hilbert. The cross dresser was huge, muscular, and red wearing a tight Powerpuff Girl's dress.

"I'm a woman," it growled in a deep voice.

"Uh..."

"Sorry about him. He just can't understand your beauty in your cute dress," Hilda said with a smile on her face

"Why, thank you, little girl! You look pretty in your polka dotted bikini yourself," it complimented.

"Ha, ha, ha...Can you please move a bit? We need to get to our friend," Hilda said.

"Certainly! He has such magnificent hair!" it said in its deep voice.

The cross dresser moved out of the way to let the friends go through. Hilda thanked the cross dresser again and proceeded through. They finally reached sunburned N.

"Okay, people in amazing clothes, we will handle this now," Hilda shouted.

Man, those cross dressers were disappointed!

They scattered grudgingly away. Hilda and Hilbert picked up N by his limbs and walked away, occasionally swinging him.

"Okay, Hilbert, rub lotion on N!" Hilda commanded.

They were in one of the ferry's cabin.

"What? Why me?" Hilbert argued.

"Because I said so."

"Well, I don't say so!"

"N, which one of us do you want to rub lotion on you?" Hilda asked.

"Ugh... Hilbert, please?" he groaned in pain.

Hilbert sighed, "Fine..."

Hilda smirked, "I'll get some water."

And with that, she left.

"Hey, N," Hilbert started once he knew that Hilda was completely gone.

"Wha?" he answered.

"Why didn't you let Hilda rub lotion on your back?" Hilbert asked.

"Well..." N pondered, wondering what words he should construct his response with.

The sun is shining bright over the ocean. The sky is blue with friendly clouds hanging overhead. There was also a rainbow, strong and proud. Near the water's edge were two Pokémon. One looked like a terrifying shark while the other looked like a jellyfish.

_"Heh, I can bite through anything that is hard, Tentacruel,"_ said the shark.

_"Really? Then I dare you to bite into that metal thingy."_, said Tentacruel.

_"Okay! But there is people on there,"_ the shark said.

_"Sharpedo's a baby! Sharpedo's a baby!"_ Tentacruel chanted.

_"Fine! I'll do it! Geez!"_ Sharpedo shouted.

The two mischievous Pokémon came closer to the boat. Tentacruel showed where Sharpedo should bite.

With a deep breath, it crunched through the boat's bottom. It spit out the metal in its mouth and looked at Tentacruel.

Tentacruel was impressed and the two Pokémon left the boat.

They didn't realize the hole Sharpedo made actually put people's lives in danger. Actually, they did, but they didn't care.

"Really? I have to do that next time.", N said.

"Yep! Works every time._ There! Finished!_" Hilbert said, proud with his work.

Hilda came into the room with glasses of water and lemonade. She gave Hilbert lemonade and N water.

"There you go!The online doctor says always give a victim of a sunburn water!" she said cheerfully.

"You're very knowledgeable, Hilda," N said charmingly.

"Thanks..." she said surprised he didn't say one of his jokes.

He gave a boyish smile, which made her blush a bit.

_"What did you tell him while I was gone?"_ she whispered to Hilbert.

_"It's a secret!"_ he answered devilishly.

Hilda frowned and turned to see N sniffing her hair.

"You smell good, Hilda," he murmured.

"Ha..ha..ha," she backed away, officially creeped out by N's sudden actions

N's eyes held a shiny gleam.

Hilda just held an awkward smile.

Hilbert was laughing his head off.

"Emmet, I think there is something wrong with the ferry," said a man in a black captain's suit.

"I think so too, Ingo," said Emmet, who was in a white captain's suit.

"I got a fun idea!" Ingo exclaimed.

"Me too!" Emmet exclaimed.

"Let's evacuate the ship!" they yelled simultaneously. "After a Pokémon battle of course! Ha, ha, ha!"

**Questions**

**1. Why so many gramatical errors? (Phantom Nini):** _I didn't let you beta it :P_

**2. Is N with you at the moment? (Phantom Nini): **_Who knows?_

**3. Are you dangerous?(Phantom Nini): **_Explain dangerous...There is violent and pyscho._

**4. Am I annoying?(Phantom Nini): **_No_

**5. Am I the 'friend of which you speak of?(Phantom Nini): **_yes stop boasting about :D_

**6. When is the next part coming out?: **_Sooner than you imagine_

**7. Crossdressers?: **_I like crossdressers and they are vital to the story_

**8. Will the next one be better?: **_You bet you pokedollars yeah!_


	3. Chapter 3

_**Part 2 of a Boat Saga! Wow! Is it getting creepy in here or what? **_

"Ha Ha HAAA! You can't beat me this time, Ingo!"

"Ha ha HAAA! I can say that to you too, Emmet!"

The two crazy conductors/captains kept on battling. Neither Pokémon stopped.

Suddenly a wild Dora appeared and ran around the room until it died.

Ingo and Emmet didn't even look at it.

"Is it just me or did the boat seem to get lower?",said Hilbert.

"I don't know! The world is strange!", N replied.

The two boys were lounging on the deck. They realized they will have to go in soon, because of the darkening sky. They enjoyed their final moments of the out doors and came inside. They noticed there were many ferry workers running around. "I wonder what's going on...N, go find Hilda.",Hilbert said.

"I'm still not sure if she recovered from what happened earlier...",N said a bit nervous.

"Just do it, I'm sure she will know it was a joke.", Hilbert ran off.

"O-kay...I guess.", N went off to search for Hilda.

"Excuse me sir, what's happening?" Hilbert asked a ferry worker.

"There's a hole in the bottom of the boat, but don't worry about it. Our second bottom is safely secured on now, just making the boat closer to the water," he said before rushing off.

"Doubt it; I want to see it myself," he said to himself.

He carefully treaded to the bottom part of the ferry. He saw many workers with Machops and Timburrs. Some even had out Wingull, which was a bit useless there. He continued on until he saw rushing water. He went down more until he was knee deep in the water. "I have to warn the others."

"Hilda!" N called out.

He looked for her on the top deck and bottom deck. He looked up and saw it was already dark. _Might as well check her room_, he thought. He glanced around a bit and proceeded to Hilda's room.

He saw her figure on her bed, fast asleep. He tip-toed towards her side. "Hilda," he said repeatedly and poked her shoulder. He kept on doing so until he got tired of standing. He sat on her bed and grabbed her shoulders.

"Hilda...Wake up!"he shouted.

She finally started to open her eyes and was startled to see N nearly on top of her. Suddenly the door opened. "Hey did-" Cheren stopped and stared at them; his face was red. They looked back him, frozen. "Uh..." he slowly slunk behind the door. "Sorry if I ruined anything." There was a click and a loud slam heard from behind the door.

"Gah! Get off of me!" Hilda got away from N's grip.

"Hilda, we got to meet up with Hilbert!" he cried out.

"Leave me alone; I'm tired!" She folded herself in layers of covers.

"Fine then! Then, I'll watch you sleep. I know you can't resist my charm," he said with a wink.

So N watched her sleep; it was a boring task indeed, but he did what he told himself he had to do it.

The night was long. So long and dark. N felt his eyes droop a bit in the silence but shook it off. He will do what he said. As time ticked by, it took its toll on N. Before he knew it, dozed off. He slightly slouched over Hilda but kept his distance.

Hilbert dragged his feet through the water. It rushed quickly to his sides, slowing him down. He trudged on, cursing the water. "Anyone here?" he shouted in a British accent.

Nothing but silence replied to his call. He sighed and began to wade in the water.

It was quite fun.

He reached floor 26; his friends' rooms were on floor 33 and 34. He couldn't stop now; the water was rising fast. With all his might, he struggled through the waves coming aboard the ship. _I wish I had my Pokéballs with me!_

Hilbert made it to floor 34. Surprisingly the water hadn't made this far yet. He went to room 560, no one was there._ Now I have to go to Hilda's room._ He glanced around the cabin and noticed signs of water. He cursed and ran ahead.

"Hilda!" he barged into the room. No one was there. Suddenly Cheren appeared out of the closet.

"They're on the deck." he said, amused, and slinked back into the closet.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, aren't you-" he went closer to the closet and saw Cheren wasn't there...

"Whatever, now I need to save myself," Hilbert said to himself, rushing to the deck.

"Never speak of it!" growled Hilda.

"Okay, okay, okay!" N said scared.

The two had messy hair and were running around the deck. They were desperately looking for Hilbert on the deck, but were blocked by a lot of sailors, people, and cross dressers. "Oh my gosh, look at his hair!" said a New Jersey cross dresser.

"People never take us seriously these days..." said a metro hipster.

"Yep," replied an emo kid.

"WE IS GONNA DIE!" cried a furry.

"Why is that man in an animal suit?" whispered N.

"There are many people in the world, and everyone is different. So yeah, he's weird," Hilda replied.

"That doesn't really answer my question," N grumbled.

"He's a creeper! There!" Hilda almost shouted.

"What's a creeper?... Wait, is it that thing from minecraft?" N asked.

Hilda face palmed herself; she was already frustrated enough looking for Hilbert. She then spotted brown hair and dark skin. "Hilbert!" she shouted.

She grabbed his arm, but realized it wasn't him. The guy turned with scars over his face and a very long beard looked at her crazily. She looked at him with an 'o.o' face and slowly backed away. She caught up to N, who was with the cross dressers again.

"N! You were supposed to be finding Hilbert!" Hilda growled.

"Oh, he is going to the captain's cabin." N blinked.

"Why didn't you tell me?" she said angrily.

"I told you, but you were too busy creeping that guy out, so you must haven't had heard me," N replied dully.

"Grr... I'm going to the cabin then. Stay right where you are!... Or just go somewhere we can find you..." She ran off.

"Wundur what's wrung with hur." said the New Jersey cross dresser.

"Maybe because we are on a sinking boat," suggested the manly cross dresser in the previous part.

"Dun't mattur. Caus' we gut this green gorilla!" cheered the New Jersey cross dresser. They other cross dressers were cheering too, then N joined them, not knowing what they just said.

"Hey! Captain people!" Hilbert shouted at the battling captains.

They didn't turn around, but focused on their battle. Suddenly their Pokémon fainted at the same time.

"Aw..." they said simultaneously.

They turned toward Hilbert.

"What's the matter, dark boy?" asked Ingo.

"The ship is sinking! Haven't you noticed it yet?" Hilbert shouted.

"Hm...So it seems..." observed Emmet.

Suddenly they turned robotically toward the steering wheel and did nothing.

"Hilbert! Are-" Hilda ran into the room.

Ingo and Emmet turned to see the Hilda and began whispering among themselves.

"Okay...Are they planning to save us all?" Hilda guessed.

"I don't think so...I dunno, but they are creeping me out." Hilbert squinted his eyes.

"Hm..." she had a blank expression on her face.

Suddenly they turned around to face them. "Oh my...You are twins! Twin sisters!" said Ingo.

"We are always looking for twins..." smiled Emmet.

"uh...what are they asking us about?" Hilbert whispered.

"I think they are trying to ask us out..." Hilda gave a weak smile.

"I'm a dude." Hilbert said straight-faced to them.

"Not in Dutch's standards!" Emmet smiled.

Hilbert frowned and was thinking they are some pedophiles for hitting on kids. "We will talk about this later when you save the ship," Hilda said firmly.

"Ah, alas maiden...This ship will sink. Nothing we can do about it." Ingo said looking through a window.

"The only thing we can do is evacuate the ship. " Emmet said holding the steering the wheel.

"So...Are you going to evacuate the ship?" Hilbert asked.

"You're trainers...You can swim or fly on your Pokémon and leave." Ingo said.

"We only have a few life boats for non trainers." Emmet said.

"Okay...Come on Hilbert; we got to get N." Hilda rushing out the room.

"Are both of you coming?" asked Hilbert.

"Alas, maiden, we are the captains of this ship and must stay here until she dies..." Emmet said.

"A deadly fate, so we will get out of here soon." Ingo said.

"See you soon!" Emmet said happily.

"Err..." Hilbert left the room.

"Come on N, we're leaving." Hilda yanked him away from his friends of cross dressers.

"Nooooo!" N resisted.

"Don't wurry, N; wez be alright!" shouted an African American cross dresser.

"Save the Green Gorilla! Save the Green Gorilla! Save the Green Gorilla!" they all shouted.

"I'll miss you guys..." he cried.

Their cheering faded away when they reached the edge of the boat. Hilda and Hilbert brought out their Pokéballs.

N stared angrily at them.

They sighed, knowing how he feels about Pokéballs. They clicked the button and _Flash!_ out came two Pokémon.

"N, ride with Hilbert! He has a Lapras." Hilda said, mounting on Samurrott.

"Fine..." he said grumpily.

When they were all set, they jumped of the boat, which was almost all the way in the water, and floated on the current.

"Hurry! The suction on the boat can kill us all!" Hilda shouted.

They swam as fast as they could in the deafening sea. There were screaming of thousands of people. The three's head sank low, feeling miserable and sad. Suddenly the screaming was louder and louder and they realized all the people who aren't trainers were riding speed boats.

"Ha ha ha! Modern technology! This time we saved everyone's life!" Ingo and Emmet high-fived each other.

The Samurrott and Lapras sighed and swam to shore, which was a short distance away. They soon around on a sandy beach and they all passed out.

**Hm...Been watching too much Titanic lately...They should have had speed boats back then and saved everyone's lives! **_**or just killed off the people who are bad.**_** Them rich people are evil...Just like Asians, but Asians are only evil because they created Pokémon and rich people are evil just because they have money...LOL I need money.**

**Questions**

1. Will there be any SOCKER BOPPERS in the next chappie? (Phantom Nini): no spoliers

2. Dangerous: A violent, pyschotic, insane person that needs to be thrown into the asylum, never to be released. Are you? (Phantom Nini): yes

3. Are you sure that I'm not annoying? (Phantom Nini): you fail at being annoying, it's just weird xD

4. YOUR STORYTELLING'S PLASBAD AND YOU SHOULD FEEL PLASBAD (Greener223): This isn't a question. You should feel Plasbad!


End file.
